"If people wish to draw near to God, they must seek Him in the hearts of others.
They should speak well of all people, whether present or absent, and if they
themselves seek to be a light to guide others, then like the sun, they must show the
same face to all. To bring joy to a single heart is better than to build many shrines
for worship, and to enslave one soul by kindness is worth more than the setting free
of a thousand slaves."
--Sufi Abu Sa’id b. Abi ‘l-Khayr
Quotes similar to the one above can be found in the religious texts of most of the world’s
religions. Few people would argue with the sentiments expressed. However, is it realistic? Great
people might be able to live their life on this ideal plane, but we are not great people. (While I
speak for myself, and the majority, you might be great.) However, even if we are not great, we
should still strive in that direction. We all know how it feels when someone insults us, betrays us,
or hurts our friends similarly. Thus we know how others feel when we, even accidentally, do the
same to them. I subscribe to several email listservs, and it is common that a fight breaks out. It
doesn’t only happen on the Starfleet Listserv. We are human. However, there are ways to
prevent these fights, or at least cut down on them drastically. It involves action on everybody’s
part. While writing your email, and before sending it, there are several items you should consider:
1) AD HOMINEM ATTACKS
Ad hominem is a Latin phrase translating as, “towards the person.” There is no reason anyone
ever needs to attack the person. When you disagree with their ideas, by all means say so, but be
careful how you phrase your wording. Writing, “Your idea is stupid,” may not be identical to “You
are stupid,” but the line is extremely fine, and not everyone recognizes the difference. Our intent
is not what matters here; what matters is how our words are received.
I said it in Hebrew--I said it in Dutch--
I said it in German and Greek:
But I wholly forgot (and it vexes me much)
That English is what you speak!
--Lewis Carroll, “The Hunting of the Snark”
When communicating a thought (in email, on paper, orally, or wherever) you will always know
what you mean; your goal should be to make yourself as clear as possible to the person(s) on the
other end of your words. Therefore, in the example above, you should say something like:
"I don’t think A)_____ is a great idea because 1)___2)___3)____. Instead, I suggest we should
B)_______. "
The result will be the discussion will continue revolving around A, B, 1, 2, & 3,
instead of disintegrating into name-calling.
2) LANGUAGE
"The dirty word hops in the cage of the mind like the Pondicherry vulture, stomping
with its heavy left claw on the sweet meat of the brain and tearing it with its vicious
beak, ripping and chopping the flesh."
-- Karl Shapiro, “The Dirty Word”
I am not a prude, and will admit to using foul language, at times. However, as the quote above
perfectly illustrates in my opinion, there is usually a cleaner, yet more powerful way of saying the
exact same thing. Shapiro could have written: “The dirty word kicks a**, and really f**** you
up.” However, his poem would not have been as heavily anthologized if he had. Not due to the
language, but because the meaning is not conveyed as well and as powerfully. In addition, not
everyone is as tolerant of foul language as I am, and by using foul language you are asking for
the debate to disintegrate into a discussion about the language rather than issues the debate was
originally about.
3) THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE
(Quotes fr. Rudyard Kipling’s poem of the same name )
“When Pack meets with Pack in the jungle, and neither will go from the trail Lie down till the
leaders have spoken--It may be fair words shall prevail.”
If two COs, two RCs, etc are having an open debate (They shouldn’t be--see below--however, if
they are) this is not an invitation for everyone to take sides. Let them try to work out their
differences. At most, encourage them, privately, to take the issue private.
“When ye fight with a Wolf of the Pack, ye must fight him alone and afar, Lest
others take part in the quarrel, and the Pack be diminished by war.”
Members of Starfleet for the past few years know how true the above quote is. If you have a
personal issue with any other member of Starfleet, by all means, do NOT air your grievances on
the listserv. The two of you should settle the issue between yourselves. If you can’t, go to your
COs and work your way up the ranks, but do it privately. Not everyone likes the military and its
rank structure, but every organization has a similar structure. Imagine yourself in a large
business setting. Your CO is your supervisor. The RC is the manager of your department. The
CS is the CEO. Imagine Starfleet as the US Government. Your CO is your Senator/Congressman
on the state level, your RC is your Senator/Congressman on the national level, The CS is the
President.
"The Lair of the Wolf is his refuge, and where he has made him his home, Not even
the Head Wolf may enter, not even the Council may come."
We all have personal lives outside of Starfleet. They are not the business of any other member of
Starfleet. Yes, we often share our personal lives with the friends we make, but that is our choice.
If, God forbid, you read in the newspaper that a certain person is a member of the KKK, John
Birch Society, or is a subscriber to Rush Limbaugh’s newsletter, and you recognize the name as a
member of Starfleet, this is not your cue to retype the article and send it to the Listserv. 1) This
is a violation of International Copyright law. 2) It has no bearing whatsoever on issues important
to Starfleet. If this person ever runs for a Starfleet office, then you might want to let everyone
know. But otherwise, it has no bearing on you or me. Ignore it. (You also have my permission to
put as much distance between yourself and that individual as possible. In the words of Leviticus,
He/She is unclean.)
4) ACTION
“I have heard talk and talk, but nothing is done. Good words do not last long unless
they amount to something.”
-- Chief Joseph (Nez Percez)
Finally, email is a medium of words, however, we should all realize words are not enough. (One of
my favorite buttons reads, “wearing buttons is not enough.”) If all you are going to say is, “I
agree with what ____ wrote.” then don’t bother sending the email. When someone wants to take a
poll they will let you know. If you have something to add to the conversation, make sure you say
it as clearly as possible, and as emotionally neutral as possible, to avoid misunderstanding. And if
you have the time (and I realize not everyone does) by all means, VOLUNTEER to help.
“Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital
unity. Hate destroys a man’s sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to
describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with
the false and the false with the true. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light
can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate,
violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending
spiral of destruction...The chain reaction of evil -- hate begetting hate, wars producing
more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of
annihilation.”
-- Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. “Strength to Love”
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